Too good

I am pretty sure someone (LStew most likely) posted things of this nature on her blog a while back but I came across some more of these silly (yet actual) metaphors found in essays by teenagers across Toronto. Sorry for any overlap, but truly these are hilarious even the second-time around.

1. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

2. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

3. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

4. They lived in a typical surburban neighbourhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

5. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for awhile.

6. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

7. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

8. She walked into my office like a centipede missing 98 legs.

9. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

10. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.